simply gorgeous

2010-03-14T18:59:00.001-07:00

2008-05-22T21:34:00.001-07:00

i have moved

2008-01-04T01:20:00.000-08:00

Ku lepas semua yang ku inginkan

Tak akan ku ulangi

Maafkan jika kau ku sayangi

Dan bila ku menanti

Pernahkah engkau coba mengerti

Lihatlah ku disini

Mungkin kah jika aku bermimpi

Salahkah tuk menanti

Tak kan lelah aku menanti

Tak hilang cintaku ini

Hingga saat kau tak kembali

Kan kukenang di hati saja

Kau telah tinggalkan

Hati yang terdalam

Hingga tiada cinta tersisa dijiwa

what do u do when the truth reveals itself?
when the truth hurts u like ur heart has been stabbed by a knife
when u've to suffer the sharp jerking pain
when it feels like everything come crashing down on u
when u've wasted almost ur entire teenage years on sumthing not worth the time
when there's nothing else to do but to move on and leave everything behind
.
.
.

i'm not ok
i'm not fucking bloody ok

"~Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts ~

goodbye 2oo7

2007-12-30T20:16:00.000-08:00

ahaa..
i'm exultantly happy beyond words..
what a nicey nice way to end the year.. :)
thank god, after all the shitess ive gone thru this year,
it eventually ends with one of the best event ever..
okkay2.. i'm not supposed to be too happy..
it is yet to happen.
but still.. i'm really2 looking forward to it..

2007-12-18T20:16:00.000-08:00

Rossa - Tak Termiliki

ku lihat diriku
ku baca hatiku
tiada yg lain
yg tersirat

ku lihat dirimu
kau tak sendiri
masih bolehkah
harap ini

engkau datang
salah kah ku merasa tak ada daya
engkau ada
saat ku tak mungkin ada di sana

engkau datang
saat diri ini tak ingin pergi
engkau ada
dengan setangkai cinta tak termiliki

ku lihat dirimu
kau tak sendiri
masih bolehkah
harap ini

oh mengapa saat kita berdua
semua terasa indah
seakan kau untukku

perawan cinta

2007-12-17T19:50:00.000-08:00

Tlah terlukis kisah diriku
Terpenjara dalam cintamu
Bibir beku tak dapat berucap
Sulit menolak

Terlambat kurasakan cinta
Kepedihan kan menanti aku
Kesucian cintamu berdua
Telah ternoda

Haruskah merasa salah didiriku
Bila mencintaimu yang telah berdua
Seolah aku perawan cinta yang haus kasih
Ku hanya mencoba bermain api
Namun sulit akhirnya aku padamkan

Hati kecilku mengatakan ini harus diakhiri
Sering kudengar suara-suara
Bisik menyalahkan diriku
Bila aku jadi pasanganmu
Pasti merana

2007-12-14T01:53:00.001-08:00

when someone else annoys him
he still treats her nice
he still goes out with that person

but when i annoy him
he throws me outta his life
he treats me like i've never existed in his life before
he ignored me like i'm a complete stranger

when someone else asks him out
he will wait for that person no matter how late
he will go out no matter how sleepy he is

but when i ask him out
he's just too busy
he's just too sleepy

i've been in that situation too many times
i did complain but i chose not to put an end to it
i chose to stay, before
but i guess, i wont anymore

he's taking me for granted
he never appreciated what i do
he cant see how much ive sacrificed myself just to make him happy
he just cant see
or perhaps he just doesnt want to see

cinta dalam hati

2007-12-13T06:31:00.000-08:00

mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku
mengagumi tanpa di cintai
tak mengapa bagiku
asal kau pun bahagiadengan hidupmu
dengan hidupmu

telah lama kupendam perasaan itu
menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku
tak mengapa bagiku
cintaimu pun adalah bahagia untukku
bahagia untukku

ku ingin kau tahu
diriku di sini menanti dirimu
meski ku tunggu hingga ujung waktu
ku berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
dan ijinkan aku memeluk dirimu
kali ini saja tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejab saja

2007-12-06T04:03:00.000-08:00

my dearest tkc96oo friends,

happy anniversary.. :)

12 years of sisterhood and still counting..

no matter where i go, no matter what i do..

u girls never cease to have a special place in my heart

only death do us part

love, idya

(37/96).. hehe.. igt tu no dobi.. :p

2007-11-21T22:29:00.000-08:00

I'll know if you don't read this!!

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much
they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some
way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is
because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone ,
even if they don't like you.

5. Every night , SOMEONE thinks about you before they
go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you , someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever , something
good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on
you , take a look: you most likely turned your back on
the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what
you want , you probably won't get it , but if you
believe in yourself , probably , sooner or later , you
will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you
will feel much better when they know.

15. If you have a great friend , take the time to let
them know that they are great.

A Minute: They say it takes a minute to find a special
person , an hour to appreciate them , a day to love
them , but then an entire life to forget them.

Take the time .. to live and love.

2007-11-19T21:30:00.001-08:00

So since I'm not your everything

How about I'll be nothing?

Nothing at all to you

2007-11-18T17:12:00.000-08:00

hehe.. i picked up a new hobby over the wiken.. i did all that on my own (with a very2 little help from mak.. :D..).. well, not trying to be riak.. hahaha.. but for a beginner, i'm so proud with the result.. hahaha... and demm, i'm now so addicted to beadings.. :p..

wiken was great.. apart from shopping for preparation of abang's engagement.. we went to desa impiana, puchong.. abg persuaded me to buy the condominium which was fashionably beautiful..!! sangat2 cantik ok.. stylo.. high-class.. and it was pretty cheap considering the design of the house and the atmosphere.. and in the process of 'saiko'ing me.. abg even said that he's willing to help paying.. haha.. how's that sound..?! well, now i really2 have to think about it.. think real hard dowhhh.. owning a property at my age is quite sumthing.. but if it's not now, when kn..?! its better to invest for this rather than spending my money for nothing.. well, this is the picture of the show unit.. cantik bukan..?! but as it told mak & abg.. even if do buy the house, it wont be furnished for the next 2 or 3 years.. hehehe..

2007-11-15T00:07:00.000-08:00

Relaku menunggumu seribu tahun lama lagi
Tapi benarkah hidup aku akan selama ini
Biar berputar utara selatan ku tak putus harapan
Sedia setia

Relaku mengejarmu seribu batu jauh lagi
Tapi benarkah kaki ku-kan tahan sepanjang jalan ini
Biar membisu burung bersiulan terlelah gelombang lautan
Ku masih setia

Adakah engkau yakin… ini cinta
Adakah engkau pasti… ini untuk selama-lamanya

Relaku menunggumu seribu tahun lama lagi
Tapi benarkah hidup aku akan selama ini… yeah…
Biar berputar utara selatan ku tak putus harapan
sedia setia

Jangan putus harapan… sedia setia……

2007-11-11T16:51:00.000-08:00

Survey Sekolah

1. Apakah nama kamu?

- idya

2. Manakah anda belajar semasa tingkatan 5?

- TUNKU KURSHIAH COLLEGE!!!

3. Tahun apakah anda belajar ditingkatan 5?

- class of 2000

4. Siapakah guru bahasa melayu kamu?

- puan sabariah, puan zuraidah, puan azizah & BUBU!

5. Siapakah guru bahasa inggeris kamu?

- late mrs Gopal, puan norhashima, puan may, PAPA BEAR! & puan nurul

6. Siapakah guru pendidikan moral kamu?

- (pendidikan islam); err.. ustazah nazirah, USTAZ MUSTAFFA! & ustazah suria

7. Siapakah guru matematik kamu?

- puan che romas, en SALLEH BOUNCH, en. AHMAD, and.. tk igt

8. Siapakah guru matematik tambahan kamu?

- en. AHMAD! & pn Azizah musa 'tudung'

9 . Siapakah guru physic kamu?

- pn Nafisah & En ANUAR!

10. Siapakah guru kimia kamu?

- pn Wan Suriani & pn HAWA..!!

11 . Siapakah guru biologi kamu?

- Mr Tan Hock Ann 'mengappaa..?'

12. Siapakah guru sejarah kamu?

- pn nora, pn zamani & pn yusma

13. Siapakah guru EST kamu?

- errr..

14. Siapakah guru geografi kamu?

- pn RUSNAWI..!! & puan kalsom

15. Siapakah guru sains kamu?

- Ms Gan, pn farhanah 'lovey dovey' & VEKRAHH..!

16. Siapakah guru prinsip akaun kamu?

- tk amek acc

17. Anda pernah dimarah semasa perhimpunan?

- hahaa.. of course..!

18. Pernah menyanyi lagu sekolah?

- 'Kolej Tunku Kurshiah

Kolej Ulung Di Negara Malaysia

Kami pelajar bersumpah

Akan teguh patuh memeliharanya

Kolej Tunku Kurshiah

Kolej mulia berjasa

Moga2 Tuhan memberi rahmatnya

Sentosa Kolej Tunku Kurshiah

19. Luaskah sekolah anda?

- not really.. di puncak bukit merbah

20. Pukul berapakah anda selalu tiba disekolah?

- duduk hostel but a few minutes after the daily morning assembly began

21. Hari manakah yang anda paling suka?

- Saturday - less prep, house-soping day, film shows

22. Tandas sekolah anda bersih kah?

- errr.. haha

23. Pernah dipukul oleh pengetua sekolah?

- tidak.. tp prnh dipanggil & kene lecture.. demmm

24. Anda suka subjek PJK kah?

- tidakkk..! malas gell tukar baju plis & peluh2 after tu.. demmm

25. Apakah kelas anda semasa tingkatan 5?

- five SHEE (C)

26. Bersihkah sekolah anda?

- bersih.. berkat kerajinan kami litter-picking.. hahaha

27 . Tempat manakah yang anda duduk dalam kelas?

- depan, tengah, tepi.. blakang skali tgh (the best spot everr..!)

28. Nombor berapakah yang kelas anda selalu dapat bagi kebersihan?

- top 3 from above and below.. :p

29. Adakah anda rindu kepada kawan anda dalam kelas?

- i miss the whole 96oo clan..! :(

30. Apakah perasaan anda sekarang?

- sad + happy.. those 5 years spent in tkc are the bestest years ever in my whole life..!

2007-11-07T00:02:00.000-08:00

too many things happened recently..
i was living in hell.. i am, still..!
i just dont know what to do.
never in my life have i thot of such things
of how conservative certain people can be.
ok, perhaps it isnt the right word
but sumthing similar to it..
pardon me, i just cant think straight rite now.

well, despite the effort they were making..
to me, i still prefer to leave things as it is..
y bother bringing up the story that was like a year ago..??
y now?
y not before..?

its not that i dont grow up
but its about my principles..
i dont like backstabbers..
i dont give a damn about that guy for God sake..
he was nothing but merely a fling!
but i hate what she did..
and to just accept her mistake and act like nothing happened?
no way.. it is not that easy..
dun put the blame on me, alone..
at the moment she did that,
have she ever thot about the consequences?
about the fact that we are bloody werking in the same company..?!!
she did not, right..?!
its all about jodoh or so u guys might say..
then live with it..
i can say its about takdir now than i cant be friends with people like her..
easy breezy..
i hate her and i hate her..
even if it means that i'll be kicked out from the office..
i dont bloody care..
there's no way i'll let my paths cross with hers again..
no wayyyy..

cuti2 malaysia

2007-11-01T23:33:00.000-07:00

2007

kota kinabalu, sabah (january)
jakarta & bandung, indonesia (august)
kuching, sarawak (november)
padang, indonesia (december)

2008

bali or bangkok (january)
pulau-pulau (march)
umrah (august)

2009

dublin (?!! hehe..)

jauh perjalanan luas pemandangan, insya Allah.. :)

2007-10-30T03:27:00.000-07:00

You light the skies, up above me

A star, so bright, you blind me, yeah

Don’t close your eyes

Don’t fade away, don’t fade away-

Oh Yeah you and me we can ride on a star

If you stay with me

We can rule the world-

Yeah you and me we can light up the sky

If you stay by my side

We can rule the world-

If walls break down, I will comfort you

If angels cry, oh I’ll be there for you

You've saved my soul

Don’t leave me now, don’t leave me now

They're lighting up the sky tonight

For you, for you

All the stars are coming out tonight

They’re lighting up the sky tonight

For you, for you-

i shine when i think of him.. :)

and i dont care even if it's only for a moment

make the best of wutever that is thrown ur way

2007-10-29T04:54:00.000-07:00

i just don't get it..
y do they bother so much about me.. :(
i just don't give a damn about what goes around in the office
and what's so wrong with that..?

ok fine, i used to be happy before
but they.. i mean, a few ppl took that 'happiness' away fr me..
those shitty nosy head who cant help but jage tepi kain org..
ive had enuff of ppl saying things about me..
ive had enuff of ppl betraying me..
and they left me with no choice but to move on ignoring this shitness
so i decided that i'm not gonna give a damn about anything in the office anymore..
neverrrrr..!

now, another problem arises..
if before it was about me being gedik, gatal and wutever..
but now after i've decided to build a freaking wall around myself..
it is about 'me against the world' plakk..

so, what do u people want me to do actually..?!
i'm not a doll with a key at my back..
where u can just turn it around and make me do what u guys want me to do..
and i'm not a fucking stupid girl..
ive my own principles..
and please respect that, for God sake..
i never asked for anything in return..
just please leave me alone..
let me do what i wanna do..
im big enuff to know what is good and what is not for me..
and please la, dont tell me what i shud and shud not do..
and please dont tell me whom i shud and shud not befriend with..
i come to office because i wanna work..
not because i wanna make new friends..
i have more than enuff friends that i can trust, that i love..
and i obviously dont need friends who say bad things about me..
who stab me at the back..
i dont need them..
after all, i get paid for my job not for the friends i make..

if i bother u guys so much..
please la remember,
i won't be long pun..
i will leave when the time comes..
i will, i swear i will..!

2007-10-29T04:27:00.000-07:00

Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.

~Author Unknown~

2007-10-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

"sometimes the best way to hold onto something is to let it go"

a friend of mine is going thru a hard time in her life..
ive been in her situation before, not once, not twice but thrice..
and i know how exactly she feels..
u noe, having to let go someone who never yours to keep..
it wasnt easy..
it took me forever rase nye to move on..

just like her, i was living in denial..
i kept telling myself, things will get better..
that Allah wud listen to all my prayers..
that there's always a good ending..
but life is not a fairy tale..
and u'll not always get what u want..

after a few attempts of solat istikharah
i am so thankful that Allah has finally answered my prayers
He doesnt give me 'him'..
but He shows me the way..
He shows me that there's more to life than 'him'..
and now, i'm glad to say that i'm more happier than before..
it was as if a burden has been lifted off my shoulder..

i just dont give a damn now..
i am yet to fully 'recover'..
but im working hard towards it..
i still need more times..
things are not easy..
my heart doesnt belong to anyone of them now
but it doesnt mean im giving my heart to another person

i know, there's no way u'll read this, mr 'bidang'..
but i believe in miracles..
i hope, in any ways, this msg will get to you..
tho it is almost impossible..
i'm not easy to live with..
i'm being nice to u because mak asks me to..
please bear that in mind..
and don't ask for more than i can give u..
not this soon..

2007-10-22T17:50:00.000-07:00

"bila kita tak dapat seseorang yang kita terlalu inginkan,

maka percayalah Allah tahu itu bukan yang terbaik untuk kita.

tapi dia antara yang terbaik, hanya bukan sebaik pilihan Nya.."

wishing and praying.. :)

2007-10-10T20:39:00.000-07:00

happy eid mubarak
sorry inside-out
halal kn makan minum

have a blessed raye, people..
keep safe..!

will be back to ofis on monday 22nd..
yay! a week holiday.. :D

...............

2007-10-08T19:00:00.000-07:00

ku pernah punya cinta namun kini ku sedang suka kamu
cintaku dulu tlah kubuang jauh kini ku ingin kamu

ku pernah menyendiri di sini ku akan terasa sepi
walaupun bibir penuh gelak tawa namun hatiku sepi

jangan bilang tidak bila kita belum mencoba
siapa yang tahu akan sama hatimu dan juga hatiku
banyak yang bercinta bertahun-tahun putus juga
ku harapkan dengan dirimu walaupun singkat pendekatan
cinta kita kan abadi

ku pernah punya cinta namun kini ku sedang suka kamu
cintaku dulu tlah kubuang jauh kini ku ingin kamu

jangan bilang tidak bila kita belum mencoba
siapa yang tahu akan sama hatimu dan juga hatiku
banyak yang bercinta bertahun-tahun putus juga
ku harapkan dengan dirimu walaupun singkat pendekatan

jangan bilang tidak waktu dicium aku bingung
namun dada ini bergetar
makanya sungguh aku mohon
jangan bilang tidak

a prayer..

2007-10-03T02:23:00.000-07:00

my heart is taken.
tho it's unofficial but i dont bother.
for all i know, it is already taken.

thanx buddies, for the prayers..
atie, u r the sweetest thing..

i know i have to do sumthing..
but i dont wanna do anything
and i am not gonna do anything
i just wanna sit down and wait for him
i dont wanna take risk
i dont wanna noe wut is in his mind
i am just afraid..
i just want him so bad i think im going crazy..

poor friends.
menasihati aku ibarat mencurah air ke daun keladi
i still want him no matter wut!
i want him and only him
i never stopped praying.. and i never will..!
i dont see where this road brings me..
i dont see the end of all this craps..
i just want him..

please dear God, please..
if he is the one for me, let us be together..
open his heart and let him let me into his life..
i want him, dear God..
i do want him..
let him be the one for me..
amin ya Allah.. :(

......

2007-10-02T00:49:00.000-07:00

i had just woken up and yet to gather my senses when i received an sms from mak..
it was rather shocking having read the contents..
huhuhu..
i know i shudnt make a fuss over this..
it's just a beginning..
but then, i don't have that feeling..
i just don't have it..
and how do i break the news to mak..?
how do i tell her..?

"mak, i already have a calon of my own..
cume he doesnt know yet that he's the calon..
ok fine.. he knew it.. he just doesnt want to rush things.. (haha.. memandai je)"

and then, mak gonna drive me up the wall..
yay!!

atie, shaxu.. please think of the ways..
hehe..
i mean, another way than wut i've in mind.. (kekekee..)
and wut atie suggested.. :p

happy fasting!

2007-09-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

hehe.. the last time i visited my blog is like a week ago..
i didn't come back since..
and today, i realized the visiting numbers has increased to 1070..
hehe.. if i'm not mistaken, the last time i checked it out..
it was only 899..
thanx people, readers, whoever u r, for visiting.. :D
i dont write much nowadays..
even if do pn, i'm sure it's just a piece of shitty craps..

i was complaining before because i got piles of work to do..
and now i'm complaining because i've no work to do..
hehee.. terrible.. terrible.. it's a law of nature..
people will never stop complaining..
will never be thankful for what they have..
will always keep asking for more..
hmm..

i was having a li'l misunderstanding with dingdong last nite..
ahhh.. demmm..
i only hv one chance left..
if i break my promise again, then everything will be over.. :(
u, it was unintentional.. iskkkk..
i'm truly sorry, u..
mari makan ice-cream selepas berbuke puase, u.. :)

hmm.. i need that dkny-be delicious..!!
i need a new perfume..!!
hope abg will be kind enuff to get one for me.. :p

seperti yang kau minta

2007-09-27T02:31:00.000-07:00

maafkan aku tak bisa memahama arti amarah mu
membaca dan mengerti isi hatimu
maafkan aku yang telah memasuki kehidupan mu
mencoba mencari celah dlm hati mu

aku tau ku tak kan bisa
menjadi seperti yang engkau minta
namun selama nafas berhembus
aku kan mencoba

aku tau dia yang bisa
menjadi seperti yang engkau minta
namun selama aku bernyawa
aku kan mencoba
menjadi seperti yang engkau minta

- peterpan -

single vs double

2007-09-20T18:30:00.000-07:00

i was out breaking fast with dear friends at kajang a couple of days ago..
and a friend of mine was asking..
"idya, geng2 kite sme dh ade bf/gf, kau bile lagi?"
hehe.. a question which i alwayys2 malas nk jawab..
but being me, i simply jawab.. "malas aa.. aku still nk lepak dgn korg lagi.."
(my clique consists of 11 people with 3 girls + 8 boys..)

on my way back to shah alam, however..
i can't help but think..
the question sumhow filled every corner of my mind..

so, to whom who might be asking again and again,
i've come out with a number of reasons why i wish to and not to remain single.. :)

i want to be double because:

i love the idea of a true companion. someone to bermanje, baby talk, a shoulder to cry on, bla..bla..bla
peer pressure..(demm!) the fact that everyone around me IS already having a partner, in fact some of them dh ade a perfect family.
as atie said, the merriment of the wedding ceremony.

and i choose to remain single because:

i want to travel to as many places as i can with my girls.
i still want to enjoy the luxury of doing anything i like or pergi anywhere i like without giving any report or update to anyone.
i still want to hangout with my (boy) friendss without anyone getting jealous.
i still want to enjoy my hard-earned money for my ownself. i want to buy unnecessary things and anything i like without someone membebel.
i still want to go back to my mommy's house EVERY WEEK which i'm pretty much sure i wont be able to do it after having someone special.
i am mentally not ready. i still want to be mommy's and abang's little girl (but big, size-wise.. demm..!) and i still want to sleep with my teddy bear and duduk sesuke hati di atas sofa menonton tv and put a pillow under my baju after eating.
i still want to enjoy the 'monthly allowance' abang gives me.. hehehehe..
i dont want to think about the life after the wedding. i still can't imagine living with the same person for the rest of my life (not yet.. huhu..)
err.. because i'm being a li'l finicky perhaps. i bother about how a guy eats, how he walks, how he talks.
and because my girls do not like the guy i really like at the moment.. hahahaha.. :p

hehehe.. u see, how much the latter outnumbers the former.. but anyway, i dont give much damn actually, i leave everything to Allah, if the time comes and the right person is standing right at my doorstep, i would be happy to open the door and welcome him into my life. but if he is still finding his way to my doorstep, then i would be happy too enjoying my life while waiting for him.. damdimdum..

.............................!

2007-09-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

i miss blogging..

but i just dont seem to find the right things to write..
sighhh..

life is getting boring..
work piling up..
mind is emptier..

love 'cinta yang sempurna' by kangen band..

btw,
HAPPY 26th BIRTHDAY ARIEL!

2007-09-12T20:22:00.000-07:00

Belum juga kah kau menyadarinya

Akulah yang pantas untuk kau cintai

Di bawah langit biru aku bersumpah

Diriku tanpamu apa artinya cinta

Arti cinta ini sudah menelan waktuku

Siang malam hanya untuk pikirkan engkau

Sejuta kali aku berani bersumpah

Diriku tanpamu apa artinya cinta

Biar saja waktu nanti

Yang menikmati kisah ini

Bersamamu aku senang

yesterday once more....

2007-09-12T10:17:00.000-07:00

" ..a walk to remember.."

a sad story.. :(

2007-09-03T06:09:00.000-07:00

***

I went completely nuts and starting screaming around the house. This is how our little secret affection began.

Later in the year, he told me that he loved another girl. I was fine with it. Boy, did I regret that.

In December, two days after my birthday and three before Christmas, he told me that he couldn't love me anymore. And do you know why? Its because he couldn't love two girls at the same time. He chose her. Yeah..very sad. I sat up crying and upset for nights on end. I even tried to gain his interest back. Making him jealous works to some extent, but he's still all for her.

Now lately, he hasn't been able to talk to the other gal and seems to be more pressing on me. Me? Oh, I love the attention. In fact, I still tell him that I love him and we get affectionate. VERY affectionate. But the thing is..he won't tell me that he loves me back. Its his loyalty to her.."

Look at this email from him:

"..Guess i'm not going to bed yet. umm...the real me is back, and i'm sorry, of course.. :p.. i just meant that you really are my best friend, ok? it's platonic, like a brother/sister thing, not a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. i didn't mean it like that...i can't help but think "what have i done?" because it seems like i ruined something. i didn't mean to make you stay up, and please disregard that last e-mail. i was just being stupid. i won't say anything else about love, because i can just say what i meant by calling you my best friend, and it apparently makes you sick >_> it's strange how little choices like that can change so much, you know? right now i'm not even sure if you'll ever look at me the same way again. really, i didn't mean to freak you out, i guess i should take what i said back, you're my best friend, that's all i meant. it was closer to the way a guy will say "i love you, man" than the way someone confesses love for another. i wasn't confessing anything, aside from the fact that my perverted self can be stupid. that part about me wanting didn't come out right. the other part wanted you to stay too but knew you shouldn't. i was just tired and not making sense, as usual. i pretty much assume the next time you mail me you'll hate me, and i guess you might just need time to let off some steam, or you'll hate me forever. i can understand that too, because i can be a real jerk sometimes, but you know that already. one thing that i really want to avoid is you thinking i only want your body or something like that. i hate people who think that way. i never want you to think i'm like that. i know you've probably met plenty of people like that in your lifetime, and i was hoping that maybe i could take you away from that stuff. i guess i'm starting to ramble about stupid stuff, but i don't really know how to end this. i'm sorry i freaked you out, i know everything just came out wrong. i think it was because i'm tired, but sometimes i just say stupid stuff. i hope you have a good day tomorrow, and i hope you slept well, for what little sleep you got. that's my fault too, so sorry

Matt

p.s. if you forgive me, i'll...rap for you *already starts to blush* XD"

yes, I love him with all my heart..but..maybe we're not for each other. ha, I know that I will never love anyone again. yeah...its a suicidal feeling, really. but I've learned that you must live for yourself and your own goals. not for some boy. good luck with your lives

***

*crying my heart out*
why can't we get what we want?
i just want him for myself..
is that too much to ask?

coincidence.. :)

2007-08-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

we were on our way to dayah's wedding reception at dewan perdana felda last night..
and i just couldnt stop telling the gurls how i wish to marry him..
(i knew they almost died outta boredom listening to me.. hehe..)
and as soon as we arrived at the dewan..
we rushed to the surau to perform our maghrib prayer before the ceremony began..
and people..!! guess who i bumped into at the surau..??

demmitt... it was HIS mother..!!

and i was speechless, of course..! hehe.. wut a coincidence..!
u know, of all the places..!
i have never everrrrrrrrrrr thot of seeeing his parents or family members at my friend's wedding..
huhuhuh..
so, the rest of the evening was spent trying to locate where my future in-laws were seated..
miahahaha..

happy birthday, cute

2007-08-16T20:30:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY, DEAR HARITH..!

9600 first baby turns 3 today.. =)

we wish u all the happiness in the werld, sweetheart..

xoxo:

aunties - tkc9600

flu

2007-08-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

its been a while..
not that i'm too busy with my life..
it's just.. nothing extraordinary happened these past few weeks..

went to ou with nzre to teman him shopping..
god, he is one fussy, finicky guy.. :p
"size s kecik sgt la u and size m cm besar.."
"cutting dh okkay, tp lengan terlebih panjang.."
"lengan dh okkay tp leher cm besar sikit.."
haha.. i was speechless,man..!
i've been shopping all my life but i never bothered abt all those little things..
and everytime we went shopping, i ended up being the 'guy'..
he would go looking for his shirts and i wud simply stand sumwhere nearby and watched him..
miahahaha..

im off to bandung for a shopping spree in two weeks time..
yay! cant wait to splurge on everything!
haha..
but then, i really need that sunglass i saw a few days ago..
demmittt..

i miss someone a lot..
was reading his blog and couldnt help but laughing..
he's just plain cute with his poyoness..
he drives me crazy just by being himself.. (errrr..:p..)
i wonder how he's doing now, its been ages since we last saw each other..
only sms & phone calls keep us in touch..
i dont know why i just dun have that feeling to see him..
prolly because things are much different now..
i'm afraid things wud get really awkward and we wud end up with nothing to say..
sighhh..:(

my people..

2007-08-09T03:07:00.000-07:00

idya loves her bunch of crazy people!

thanx kawan2..

especially to capiks, bardigol & nuaq..

i love u more.. =p

c'est la vie..

2007-08-03T04:30:00.000-07:00

this week has been the most intense emotional rollercoaster of my life..
one minute i felt like on top of the world..
everything seemed to fall into the right place..
i was exultantly elated..
but then, in a blink of an eye..
everything came crashing down..
good things never last..
i was undeniably happy but the next moment i was in bed crying myself to sleep..
i refused to do anything but slept for the whole day..
my life was literally over..
i hadnt even have time to capture the sweetest moment of my life when the shit happened..
i was upset, beyond belief..
no doubt about it..
and i am not ok..
but at least i can pretend that everything is ok..
i can still put up a happy face..
that's life..
u never get what u want anyway..
sighhh..

love is cinta

2007-08-02T18:59:00.000-07:00

If you love someone because you think that he or she is really gorgeous...then it's not love..
it's - Infatuation..

If you love someone because you think that you shouldn't leave him because others think that you shouldn't.. then it's not love..
it's - compromise..

If you love someone because you think that you cannot live without his touch.. then it's not love..
it's - lust..

If you love someone because you have been kissed by him... then it's not love..
it's - inferiority complex...

If you love someone because you cannot leave him thinking that it would hurt his feelings.. then it's not love..
it's - charity..

If you love someone because you share every thing with him.. then it's not love..
it's - friendship..

but if you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when he is stable and you cry for him...
that's - LOVE..

if you get attracted to other people but stay with him without any regrets..
that's - LOVE..

If you let him go knowing that he has to go but he doesn't want to..
that's - LOVE..

he loves me not...

2007-08-01T21:53:00.000-07:00

he loves me
he asked about me from time to time
he loves me not
then he'll be oblivious of my existence
he loves me
he'd sit down and we'll talk for hours
he loves me not
then he'll always be too busy for me
he loves me
he remembers just about everything about me
he loves me not
then he'll just forget me
he loves me
he wants to go out with me
he loves me not
then he'll talk about his girlfriend
he loves me
he'll say he's sorry
he loves me not
then he'll just do it again
he loves me?
i guess not...

*taken from http://fqrlspoeticlicense.blogspot.com/

little angel

2007-07-20T00:06:00.000-07:00

fucked-up!

2007-07-19T23:49:00.000-07:00

you are my sun shine, my only sun shine

you make me happy when skies are grey

you'll never know dear how much i love u

please don't take my sunshine away

ohhh..fuck! thanx to all of u.. he's so gonna leave now.. i swear, the day he step outta the office, u guys will pay the price for every bloody thing u guys hv done to him.. i dont give a damn fuck! u might think i'm stupid for feeling this way but at least, i have a heart..!! screw u..!! u guys are just a bunch of stale shit.. busuk.. jijik.. huduh..!!

2007-07-17T07:38:00.000-07:00

~sitting.. waiting.. wishing..~

Wishing and hoping
And thinking and praying
Planning and dreaming
Each night of his charms
That won’t get you into his arms

So if you’re looking
To find love that you can share
All you gotta do is
Hold him and kiss him and love him
And show him that you care
Show him that you care just for him
Do the things that he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him
Cause you won’t get him
Thinking and praying,
Wishing and hoping
Just

Wishing and hoping and
Thinking and praying
Planning and dreaming
His kisses will start
That won’t get you into his heart
So if you’re thinking
Of how great true love is
All you gotta do is
Hold him, and kiss him
And squeeze him and love him
Just do it
And after you do
You will be his

Show him that you care
And just for him
Do the things that he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him
Cause you won’t get him
Thinking and praying
Wishing and hoping just

\(o_o)/

2007-07-13T02:31:00.000-07:00

saye rindu pappi..
saye sayang pappi..

saye rindu pappi sgt2..
saye sayang pappi sgt2..

:(

demmitt.. who's pappi?!
damdimdum..

oh crapppy crappp.. just another shitty thot~!
encik pappi, maaf kan saye di atas keterlanjuran ini.. sighhhh..

night out..

2007-07-12T10:15:00.000-07:00

after moments of silence (well, moments here refer to 2 or 3 months!), we eventually had the chance to hang out together again like the good old times.. it was kinda fun.. u noe, its been a while.. things are different now.. walking down the memory lane, heh.. we used to do lotsa things together, bekfes, lunch, dinner, late supper, movie, karaoke in office, etc.. but then, outta nowhere, we became the subject of envy.. prolly because some people are just plain conservative..?! not getting used to the fact that gurl-and-boys can be good friends.. i don't know.. i was labeled the bitch just because i befriended those guys.. just because i spend most of my times with them.. sigghh.. but it was only me being treated that way.. talk abt discrimination.. shit!

but, as to not make things worst, i gave in.. thats the only way i can keep their mouth shut, by not doing anything that can perhaps stir their emotion.. so, we went our separate ways, we were busy with our own work anyway.. so, it was only after those months, now that we had the chance to sit down together again and had a real conversation.. hmm, and if they found out? i would jovially show them the way to hell.. demm.. i'm so sick of those shallow-minded people..! i'm sick of those people who are super excellent at bad-mouthing others..

i may look like i don't give much damn about what goes around me but that doesnt give anybody the right to have control over my life.. to decide whom shud i befriend with.. to tell me what is right and what is wrong.. fine, i appreciate ur effort.. ur concern wutever fcuk but, there's always a line which u shud not cross.. as in, shud never ever cross.. even if i do make a mistake that cost me my life, it has got nothing to do with people like u.. i have a loving family and close friends to take care of me.. so, leave ur advice, concern and wutever fcuk in ur closet! sorry but yes, i'm very finicky in that department..

i can be the best of friend to u.. i can be the nicest person.. but i can be ur worst enemy too, at the same time.. and as much as i'm capable of making ur life a heaven on earth, i'm also capable of making ur life a living hell.. :)

skeptical..

2007-07-11T02:32:00.001-07:00

well, i'm getting better at ditching werk now.. perhaps i can be nominated as the best one, if there is such award.. heh.. i slept at the library yesterday rite after lunch until someone woke me up at 5.25pm.. and today, i had the chance to have lunch with my dear aidelia at great eastern mall, ampang.. yay! yay! werking in shah alam & lunching2 in ampang.. =).. how does that sound to u..?! and coming late & getting back early is definitely the 'in' style now..! way to go idya.. clap..clap.. yes, i'm becoming less & less productive lately.. and i'm beginning to question my existence in the office.. infact, i'm searching for an answer why i shud come at the first place.. isnt it better to fool around the house rather than cracking my head thinking wut kinda show shud i put up to make believe i'm actually busy doing sumthing.. !?!! ok.. ok.. if getting paid for nothing sounds splendid to u, come over, i would be more than happy to trade place with u.. really.. i'm talking serious shit here.. sighhhhhh.. i dont think i can survive any more days here.. :(..

watched cinta pertama yesterday nite.. a much anticipated muvi but it failed to impress me.. perhaps because i was busy eating durian,i din have time to pay any attention to it.. but then, at certain point, i felt so connected to the storyline.. u know, mcm u really2 love someone but then u r not meant to be and then u fall in love with someone else.. u thot he's the one but at the end of the day, he's nothing but just a substitute of the person u really2 love.. how complicated things can be..?! and listening to one of the soundtrack 'cinta pertama (sunny), demmitt.. cant help but feeling sangat la sedih kn of course.. with the news shazreen told me today.. babe,i dont think i can do that.. :(.. it's too late, seriously.. i give up, long long time ago.. u know, when u want someone so bad and knowing u dont even have a slightest chance, its way better for u to back off.. rather than hurting ur own self.. and i already stop wishing for a miracle to happen.. he's never mine to keep.. period!

life is not a bed of roses, but even if it is, u still have to bear the consequences of getting hurt by the thorns, isn't it..?

i'm fat.. i'm ugly.. i'm stupid.. an eye sore.. a pain in the ass.. i'm good for nothing! fcuk!

aku mau

2007-07-11T01:01:00.000-07:00

Kau boleh acuhkan diriku
Dan anggap ku tak ada
Tapi takkan merubah perasaanku
Kepadamu

Kuyakin pasti suatu saat
Semua kan terjadi
Kau kan mencintaiku
Dan tak akan pernah melepasku

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu
Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu
Selalu bersedia bahagiakanmu
Apapun terjadi
Kujanjikan aku ada

Kau boleh jauhi diriku
Namun kupercaya
Kau kan mencintaiku
Dan tak akan pernah melepasku

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu
Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu
Aku yang rela terluka
Untuk masa lalu

* thanx shazreen!

2007-07-10T11:18:00.000-07:00

a great love?

it is when u shed tears and still u care for him..
it is when he ignores u and still u long for him..
it is when he begins to love another...

and yet u still smile and say..

"i'm happy for u.."

(so near yet so far..............! sighh..!)

2007-07-09T09:41:00.000-07:00

"..when the going get tough.. the tough goe$ $hopping."

ahh..bingo! that is what ive been doing today.. from sacc mall to jusco equine.. from nothing to TWO pair of shoes + ONE sandal and FOUR new....... (errr...:p..).. what has gotten into me..?! dang.. blame it on pms.. double dang..! screw me..! i wasnt really in the mood to splurge on unnecessary things.. in fact, i dreaded my ass to pick the shoes in vincci.. i was like "mane kasut nk beli ni..?"..(omigawwwdd.. i sound so like that ptd chick..!).. yet, still, i ended up with a pair of not-so-nice-but-shzrn-said-it's-cute shoes and a pair of n0t-so-comfortable-but-ok-la sandal.. and why..?! simply because, outta nowhere, while i was sitting on my swivel chair at the office, swinging back and forth (?!! imagine that...!) and suddenly i looked down at my selipar jepun.. and i went like..jijikkk! i need a new pair of sandal.. so, right after office hour, i was already on my way to sacc mall.. and, a couple of hours later, otw to kopitiam with atie & shzrn at jj equine park, i 'accidentally' found a very nice & comfortable shoes.. triple dang!.. and shzrn was like.. beli je.. beli je.. much thanx to her, now i'm so gonna have to eat my shoes to survive till the end of this month.. demmit.. :(..

i'm $ick.. i'm $ick.. i'm $ick..

what's wrong with me.. i mean.. why $hopping is always the best cure? why $hopping..?! ohh, do i need to mention that while busy $hoe$-$hopping, i still had the time to grab a bar of cadbury chocolate? uhuhh.. $hopping and chocolate.. delicious.. delicious..! MENTAL NOTE: watch ur $pending, u $icko! huhu..

P/S : sumthing wrong with the layout perhaps.. i cant seem to write a title for this entry.. and same goes to the previous entry.. why eh..?

* Al-Fatihah to arwah wan..~!

2007-07-08T23:27:00.000-07:00

it is SO gonna be mine..!

jadikan aku yang kedua

2007-07-06T01:00:00.000-07:00

Jika dia cintaimu,
melebihi cintaku padamu
Aku pasti rela, untuk melepasmu,
walau ku tau ku kan terluka

Jikalau semua berbeda,
kau bukanlah orang yang ku puja
Tetapi hatiku, telah memilihmu,
walau kau tak mungkin tinggalkannya

Jadikan aku yang kedua
Buatlah diriku bahagia
Walaupun kau, tak kan pernah
Kumiliki selamanya

Jadikan ku yang kedua, yang kedua…
Dan buatku bahagia, bahagia, selamanya

.....

2007-07-05T03:39:00.000-07:00

after what i've been going thru, all i need is just a simple "hello, how r u doing?" from him.. but he seems too busy with his never-ending werk to even notice my existence.. =(

well.. i'm not ok.. i need u.. i really2 need u at this moment..

* wan passed away peacefully on july 3, 2007 at 10.18am.. may she rest in peace.. Al-Fatihah.. =((

sometimes..

2007-07-03T01:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what life's about
Sometimes I wonder why the lights are out
Sometimes I wonder why I like to shout
Sometimes I wonder what the lies are about
Sometimes I see things I shouldn't have seen
Sometimes I wonder why I'm a hood and a fiend
Sometimes I look at what I've become and cry
Sometimes I get on that bullshit and be ready to die
Sometimes a nigga that's yo' man might get it
Sometimes it's sweet if you ain't with it
Sometimes the pain is too much to bear
Sometimes it rains too much to care
Sometimes if you don't watch ur back it'll cost you
Sometimes you wonder who would give a fuck if they lost you
Yet sometimes the sun shines around the clock
But sometimes it's dark, and hell is hot

life..

2007-07-02T02:25:00.000-07:00

assalamualaikum..

first & foremost; to whom who has been asking.. yes,i've deleted my blog.. i was blog-hopping one night and i was awestruck reading all those well-written entries.. as compared to mine, it was nothing.. i am a bad writer.. i never seemed to find anything good to write.. but then, i always love writing, tho, as to date, my english is deteriorating.. sighhhhh..

i'll be going home tomorrow with abang to visit wan.. her condition is really2 critical now and i wish i can be by her side all the time.. at this point, i don't bother anymore even if my bosses are going to kick my ass outta the office, i am still going back tomorrow.. and to those who are reading this, please2 pray for my wan.. :(

i'm doing some minor adjustments with my life now.. after having that conversation with angah last wiken, i've made up my mind to pursue my master degree this coming november.. ive been putting my dream on hold for so long due to sponsorship problems but now, since angah told me that i can apply from mara as wut she did, therefore, one problem settled.. now, it's just a matter of choosing the right uni and deciding on what research shud i be doing.. uniten is of course my first choice but then, mara doesnt seem to support ipts (dang..!) and i'm left with 2 options ukm or um.. sighhhh..

my ptd interview last wik was rather ok.. i answered almost all the theory questions correctly; majlis raja2, pilihan raya,asean, etc.. but being a mediocre malaysian and being oblivious to almost every gomen thingy, therefore i had no choice but gave a blank look when being asked about policies and what not.. 'pernah dgr tentang sistem delivery?'..*blank* 'maaf'..' 'pernah berurusan dgn gomen?' *senyum* 'pernah, buat roadtax kt jpj, etc'.. 'haa..itulah diye'..*blank*'u mean, the front-line service?' 'yes, sistem delivery adalah cara penyampaian gomen kpd rakyat' *senyum*'sorry, i dont quite understand the term' (wth!) .. 'kerje awak skrg sesuai btul dgn degree awak, kenape nk apply ptd?' *senyum* 'because i believe werking with government can provide both stability & security" (wth!!) 'ni utk personal reason ni.. u baru 24 dh fikir pasal retirement?' and, endless questions from the interviewers with stupid answers from the interviewee.. sighhhhhhhh.. it's not like i want to be a ptd but i hate it when i couldnt give my very best in sumthing i do.. i hate being a fool..